Loss and Grief

What is deviation? What is sorrowfulness? firing is most frequently equated to death but gener altogethery, going away occurs when an pillowcase is perceive to be prejudicious by individuals involved, and it results in long-term changes in bingles fond situations, semblanceships, or way of viewing the world and oneself ( nuptials and Family Encyclopedia 2008). One tends to deliver going away in ones supporttime. kidren familiarly experience button through a death of a pet or a p atomic number 18nt. Adults likewise experience spillage through death of a first mate or because of divorce they may as well as experience job or health outragees.When we value several(prenominal)thing or someone that we lost, we experience sorrowfulness. sorrowfulness is the straitss inhering healing resolution when faced with change and loss (PsychCentral 2008). This suggests that rue is a normal and natural experience to a someone who has experience individualal loss. Furthe rmore, it is said to be a appendage, not an event (PsychCentral 2008) which path that trouble should be cedeed and given time to completely support indicate. Strayhorn enumerates the characteristics of heartbreak (PsychCentral 2008). First, he says that pain is a natural part of suffer.One may choose to repress or ignore the pain but he says that further losses in life hatful always initiation it and eventually, the hurt only doubles. Second, he maintains that grieve is a highly separate touch (PsychCentral 2008). This demonstrates how different each soulfulness is while in grief. though grief is said to be a universal and a natural occurrence, the way one somebody grieves differs from an differentwise. Furthermore, being aw are of the five stages of grief shock, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance (PsychCentral 2008) abets one to care with grief.Lastly, Strayhom states that grief has no timetable (PsychCentral 2008). Grief hence should be allowed to take its own course. However, each individual in the process of grieving should also do activities to help them heal. Constantly sharing ones deepest senti opuspowerts to a trusted friend is always beneficial to a person in grief. in that respect stool been k directlyn grief responses, such as a yearning for the lost person or state of affairs, a consider to think repeatedly about past events, a sense of guilt, or even thoughts of suicide.( oddment character 2008) fit in to the decease Reference website (2008), Terry Martin and Kenneth Doka hypothesise 3 basic anatomys of grief. First is the Intuitive Pattern, where the griever freely small-armifests his/her feelings. He/She can display intense emotions such as outbursts and battle crying. Any heart to allow the griever to vent out his/her emotions is beneficial for coping. Second is the submissive Pattern where the griever would recall memories of the dead person and doing something in relation to those thoughts.An example cit ed by Martin and Doka (1999) where a man who has lost his daughter in a vehicular accident fixed the fence which his daughter has destroyed during the accident. He said that it was the only thing he could repair. Third is the discordant Pattern. Dissonant grievers are those who experience grief in one pattern but who are inhibited from graveling compatible ways to distil or adapt to grief that are compatible with their experience (Death Reference 2008). For exemplification, when a man loses his wife, he can feel the urge to cry with his daughters and to show weakness.However, he chooses to keep it, as it is inappropriate for a man to do so. Women who lose spouses can experience the same situation, when she inhibits emotions and puts up a strong stance to protect her children. Loss and Grief on contrasting Perspectives There have been various studies about grief and prove that its characteristics are individualized and unique. On the one hand, children, grieve differently from adults (PsychCentral 2008). Young kids often think that the person who died will soon come back as seen in cartoon shows.Meanwhile, there are signs which tell whether the child is experiencing noteworthy grief. He/She tends to become immature for his/her age and there is also a considerable decrease in school performance. When these are present, Cohen advises the child be seen by a child psychologist (PsychCentral 2008). On the other hand, men and women also have distinct characteristics of grief. In an article written by Karen Carney in PsychCentral (2008), she enumerates the key points on how men grieve basing from Tom Goldens book entitled Swallowed by a Snake The Gift of the antheral Side of Healing (1997).Golden mentions that counselors tend to use approaches similar to what they use towards women, which was posterior on found to be ineffective to men. Men normally complete by busying themselves with any activity that would either use the mind or the body (PsychCentral 20 08). Moreover, men try to go on living their lives as normal as possible like going on their usual routine. In contrast, women are attached to their feelings. They have the tendency to recall memories of the love one who died (Linda-Angel 2005).It is significant to note that there are differences between the characteristics of the male and female human brain, which can be a cause of the tone on how each sex grieves (PsychCentral 2008). In a study by Buchebner-Ferstl (2002), she mentions the differences between how a woman and a man deal with loss of a loved one (death). She said that women have broader social networks than men, and that women are often the source of social support between the couple. Being the case, she says that some experts would conclude that because of this, women cope better with loss.Moreover, women are said to have a more emotionally-oriented behaviour, and men are said to be more problem-oriented (Buchebner-Ferstl 2002). This means that women are more geare d than men to grieve and share their emotions with other people. In addition to this, she mentions that research shows that women are said to have a stronger sense of survivability and men are biologically more susceptible to the negative effects of stressors (Buchebner-Ferstl 2002). This demonstrates that women are more apt to survive loss than men.Also, it was mentioned in the Death Reference website (2007) that men were socially conditioned to hide their emotions. In contrast, women can openly share their feelings to other people, allowing grief to take its course. Further, Louis LeGrand states that the grammatical grammatical sexuality difference does not mean that men are not grieving it does indicate that they may not accomplish the task as successfully as women (LeGrand 198631). In a research conducted by Martin and Doka (1999), the differences between how women and men grieve were tackled. Their research showed the following Upon the death of a spouse, the widower would u sually engage in activities such as working or gymnasium activities and are likely to resort to alcohol. Conversely, widows spend time with friends and family for emotional support. Similarly, for those parents who have lost a child, the mothers tend to show emotions than the father. For those middle-aged children who lost a parent, the sons were more likely to engage in busy activities to deal with the loss while daughters show grief. Basing on the older generation, there are only slight differences on manifesting grief. Differences in gender are also affected by other variables such as social class, generational differences, and cultural differences (Death Reference 2008). The paper suggests that studies show varying results in terms of which gender copes with grief more effectively. The study of grief on the basis of gender is remarkable however Doka claims that the grief pattern is not determined by gender (Death Reference 2008) alone but is affected by other factors as w ell. Cultures differ in social norms and practices.There are societies where the sight of a man crying in grief is as acceptable as when a woman does (Death Reference 2008). Additionally, cultures differ in valuing kindreds and attachment towards people and things, and then they also differ in grief experiences. Models of Loss and Grief There have been a number of loss and grief ideals that is found on the notion that every(prenominal) person in grief goes more or less in the same sequence of stages in the recovery from grief, and at relatively the same speed(Slap-Shelton 2008). Particularly on death, Kubler-Ross has formulated a model composed of 5 stages, as follows1. Denial and Isolation The person who experienced death cannot accept that he/she actually lost a loved one. In severe cases, the person completely denies that death took place (Slap-Shelton 2008). 2. Anger- Here the person expresses anger towards others, and towards God, questioning Him why the loss had to happe n to him/her (Slap-Shelton 2008). 3. Bargaining This is when one bargains and tries to compromise with God. 4. Depression As the person realizes and acknowledges the loss, he/she now experiences depression and deep blueness.5. Acceptance- The bereaved now accepts the reality of loss and is able to project a new life leading. Based on a number of literatures on grief, Kubler-Rosss model has become one of the most known and familiar. This model appears to define the stages of dying, phases of grief and is applicable not only to death but in other losses such as divorce or a boom up. In the University of Kentucky website, Kastenbaum criticizes Kubler-Rosss model, saying that these are not supposed to be stages as they do not happen chronologically (1998).In addition, he says that all these five stages are not necessarily undergone by a person dying or grieving. He further maintains that grief is unique to every individual (University of Kentucky 1998). This demonstrates that these stages limit the process of grieving which is supposed to be individualized. succeeding(a) this, various theoretical models on loss and grief were formulated. Charles Corr, specifically believed in the individuality of coping with death (University of Kentucky 1998). People differ in determine therefore they also differ in need and coping apparatus for the same experience of loss.Meanwhile, Worden, Leick & Davidsen-Nielson (1991) proposed four means to understand loss and help accept its reality. First, one should recognize the fact that someone died or go away for good. Second, one should not suppress the emotions but let them take their course. According to Slap-Shelton, (1998) among the intense emotions that one can feel during loss include sadness, despair, anger, guilt, fear, loneliness, shame, jealousy. Furthermore, to allow feeling these and letting these manifest will help in recover over the loss.Third, it is advisable to let in something new in your life. For instan ce, one can learn a new skill or find a new set of friends. Through the process the person who experienced loss can grow despite the circumstance. Lastly, one ought to reinvest emotional heftiness into the present (Slap-Shelton 1998). This means that the bereaved person should focus on what is ahead and what he/she can do to live this new life without the person who died. Some, for example, do activities that commemorate and celebrate the goodness of the dead person.Furthermore, grief can be more understood in two other perspectives psychoanalytical and attachment perspectives Basing from psychoanalysis, grief stems out of the grievers uncertainty of where his/her relationship stands, now that the partner died. At the same time, the psychological function of grief is to free the individual of the tie to the deceased and allow him or her to get to a gradual detachment by means of a process of grief work (Death Reference 2008). Many counselors and therapists have been influenced by this however such theory has also been criticized.On the other hand, Bowlbys theory was based on the biological aspects of grieving. He maintains that the biological function of grief was to go back proximity to the attachment figure, separation from which had caused anxiety (Death Reference 2008). This means that when macrocosm are separated from a figure whom or which they had attachment to, this results to reactions of grief. expiry According to the Marriage and Family Encyclopedia (2008), more recent models on loss and grief are now focused on identifying symptoms rather than the process of grieving (Marriage and Family Encyclopedia 2008).Stroebe and Schut (1990) formulated the Dual Process Model of Coping. Humans cope with grief with a combination of twain loss orientation and homecoming orientation. Loss orientation is allowing grief to take place for instance crying and reaching out to others while restoration orientation is adjusting to the more changes triggered by lo ss by engaging in new activities. such dual model recognizes grief as a dynamic and move process, labeled oscillation, that incorporates confrontation and avoidance of different components at different times, and includes both positive and negative reappraisals (Death Reference 2008).For instance, a man who lost his wife learns how to paint and takes pleasure in the activity (restoration orientation). However in the process, he is asked to paint a memorable place and thus reminded of the wife who has died and feels sad about it (loss orientation). Basing from the literature reviewed, grief can be described as universal since all humans at one point in their lives experience grief. Grief is natural since it is said to be an inevitable response to loss. However, there has not been an encompassing theory that can gauge grief perhaps due to its vastness and complexity.Further studies and research, particularly on the biological perspective, how grief starts and where it ends, will all ow a deeper understanding of human grief. List of References Buchebner-Ferstl, S 2002, Gender-specific differences in coping with bereavement, Osterreichisches Institut fur Familienforschung, Austria, viewed 30 Maarch 2008, . Carney, K 2006, How men grieve, 4 November, viewed 1 April 2008, . Cohen, H 2007, Children and grief, 4 June, viewed 1 April 2008 Coping With Loss 2008. Marriage and Family Encyclopedia viewed 28 March 2008 . Encyclopedia of Death and Dying. 2008. online. accessed 29-31 March 2008. unattached from World Wide Web . LeGrand, L. 1986 Coping with separation and loss as a young adult. Springfield, IL Charles C.Thomas. Martin, T. & Doka, J. 1999. Men dont cry, women do Transcending gender stereotypes of grief. Philadelphia Taylor & Francis. Rosenblatt, P. , Walsh, R. & Jackson, D. 1976. Grief and mourning in cross-cultural perspective. Washington, DC HRAF Press. Schwab, R n. d. ,Gender, Encyclopedia of Death and Dying, viewed 29 March 2008, . Slap-Shelton, S 1991, The phases and tasks of grief work, Self Help Magazine, viewed 31 March 2008, .Strayhorn, D 2008, Surviving a life crisis, 21 January, Psych Central, viewed 1 April 2008,. Stroebe, M. , & Schut, H. , 1990. The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement Rationale and Description. Death Studies 23, p. 197224. Stroebe, M, Stroebe, W & Schut, H, Theories on grief, viewed 29 March 2008, . Women, men & grief 2005, Child Bereavement Trust, viewed 31 M arch 2008, .